So... I was listening to 92.5 kiss FM while on my way home from dropping my 3 yr old off at preschool this morning when there was this guest on the radio talking about 'consensual parenting'. Sounds crazy huh? Well it is. This guys is so far out there that I don't think there is any bringing him back! As the other guest whom was a comedian said there has to be some space ship that is coming to take him home. hahaha This idea is completely ridiculous!
For those of you who do not know what this whole 'consensual parenting' is let me tell you about this "new" way of parenting which apparently people in California are doing. This type of parenting is where the parents do not make the decisions for the children. In other words they will have "family meetings" where the children and parents will vote, on different things that happen in the family. Such things like.... when the children go to bed. Instead of the parents telling the children when to go to bed the children are telling the parents when they are going to bed. I'm sorry, but what kind of messed up crap is this? What has happened to the world when we start letting it be run by kids under the age of 3... heck maybe even as young as 1 or 2!! Really who can think that this is totally normal?
God did not make us parents to be ruled by our children. He made us to be guides to teach them the word of God. To raise them to be a follower of God and to be faithful. To become another one of God's messenger to help his word be known. If God intended for children to be their own teacher then he would not have created parents. Children would not have been born from women and conceived by men. What role then would a parent play in raising a child?
Children are too young to know what is good for them. I mean if I raised my children like this my son whom is 5 yrs old and hates school with a passion would NEVER go. What kind of parent would I be if I allowed my child at 5 to make the choice of whether or not he wants to go to school? This man on the radio said that him and his wife act as role models for their children so that they will want to make the right choices in life, such as going to school. The fact of the matter is that my son given the choice even though I have been a role model in going to school myself as I attend the community college in my area and instill in him how important it is to go to school still given the choice would not attend school on his own. Then what would happen to my son if I would sit back allow him to make is own choices and not go to school? He would fail, or worse yet I would be in trouble from the school for my son missing too many days of school. What would I look like as a parent? I would be a parent who could care less about my son's education. I liked how he stated that parents who do not teach their kids this way are just lazy parents because they do not want to give their children the opportunity to make their own choices, well the fact of the matter is what is lazier a parent who takes the time to teach and discipline their children or those who just go about their own day and allow their children to do as they please because they know best right? At 3 and 5 my children know what is best for them. In that case I guess eating cookies and ice cream for dinner is cool right? Because I am telling you right now my children would only want to eat that for dinner given the choice. Even though my husband and I have expressed how important eating things such as veggies and fruit are good for you. The fact is they are still kids. Kids, that is the important word here, children are too young to know what is best. They have not lived in the world long enough to know what is right and what is wrong. If my husband and I are not here to tell them what to do how will they know what is right and wrong? Isn't that my job as a parent? Isn't that what I am here for? When did it become the right way to have children then be done as a parent?
I thought it was funny when a caller asked this man what is the consequences of your children not going to school? He stated that the consequence was that they missed out on what was being taught. Ohhhhhh ouch, as a 3 and 5 year old they would really be broken hearted about this. As if they would even know what that means. If I told that to my son, he wouldn't care. He only knows that he hates school and I am giving him the opportunity to not have to go. That's all that will matter to him. The fact that not going to school will affect you in the future for college and such wont even matter to him. He doesn't understand about that stuff, and the reason for this is because that is my job as parent to make sure that he gets his education. To teach him so that he can learn these things. Children are a clean white slate. It is my job to write all this information on the board. I am the one who inputs all of the information. How can I as a parent allow my children to input this information on their own. The idea is ludicrous.
On another note he was insulting those who are hourly paid people. Stating that they are not as intelligent as those who are self employed. How does he figure that? What stats does he even have to prove this fact? What does he have to back that up? He also said that those parents who teach their children through telling them what to do those children will then grow up to be rapist, drug addicts and such. How can that even be true? Where does he get is information from? How can a person be smart enough to believe this? I was raised the same way I raise my children and I am not a rapist or drug addict, I have never been in trouble with the law, nothing. So it is obvious that his way of thinking is completely WRONG. Everyone that I know has been raise as I have been raised by their parents/guardians and have turned out just fine. Some even go on to college and have a degree. So it is obvious that the way in which we teach our children is fine. They are raised to be completely normal and intelligent adults. Tell me where these parents went wrong?
I'll tell you right now from between the ages 1-5 years of age I was raised by my parents along with 2 brothers and 2 sisters. We were a very poor family. My mother tried her best to provide for us as a family while my father did nothing. My father was a drunk who beat my mother. I remember too many times leaving in the middle of the night and going to a home. Not too soon after we would be settled would my father show up to take us home, and time and time again she would go back to him. Even at the age of 5 I hated him. I hated him with my every being. To be so young and hate your father the way I did. I seen him hit her, I seen the damage done. To be so young and to see the bruises on your own mothers face, to see her cry.... to see her hurt. To want to take that all a way.... I hated him. He was NEVER a father. I remember my older brother and I trying to take care of our 4 yr old brother and 1 and 3 year old sisters. Feeding them what little food we had. At the age of 5 I became the mother to 4. I do not blame my mother for the life I had. I love her for the sacrifices she's made, and the life she tried to give. I love her for that. She's my hero. In 1990 my parents were both killed in an accident that left my 3 yr old sister in the hospital with 2 broken legs. I look at my own children whom are 3 and 5. My son who is the same age as I was when I was told they were killed. I remember my whole world changed forever. I see him and I think 'how little I was to even attempt to take care of myself and my brothers and sisters'. How small to have to feed and cloth and get our selves off to school. How young were we to have to be little adults. I lived the life of making my own choices having to decide what is wrong and what is right because I wasn't taught other wise. I did as I pleased and I tell you what I would NEVER do that to my children. My older brother and I were then raised by our maternal Grandparents. They raised us to respect and obey our elders and I turned out fine. I think that if my parents would have lived that I would not be living the life that I am living right now. As horrible as this sounds my life is better than it would have been if I was raised by my parents into adult hood, because I would have never had a parent to teach me right from wrong, I would have never went to school... so many things I would have never done. If children are raised to make their own decisions in life then they will never know what decisions are the right ones. That is what I am here for, so they do not have to be adults. So that they do not have to worry about the BIG things. I'm here to teach them, to help them. I didn't have that as a child and I wouldn't want anyone to have to live that way. So in conclusion to this blog, allowing yourself to live and raise your child to live this kind of life of 'consensual parenting' is just plan crazy and will only lead to problems in the future with your children. The real world doesn't just do as your children want. There are rules even if your child does not like it.